Some Light Relief.
Two cows in a field. One says "Have you heard about this mad cow disease". The other replied "It doesn't affect me I'm a duck".
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note saying "Toys not included.
Quasimodo returned home and noticed the wok was on the kitchen table. He asked his wife "Are we going to have Chinese for dinner". She replied "No, I'm going to iron you shirt". (All above courtesy BM.)